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Saturday, June 12, 2010

Saturday Night Card Game (Jew Hear The One About The Black Ho?)

This is the latest in a series on the use of the race card for political gain:

I don't know whether to laugh or cry over this one.

The NAACP is upset because a Hallmark talking graduation card uses the term "black ho" in it, as in black whore.

Except that it doesn't, it uses the term "black hole," as in space, and the universe, and science fiction. They even made a movie about it, so it must exist:

Now back to Planet Earth, which is far less rational than outer space. Put your ear up to the speaker, and listen really carefully to the Hallmark card, so that you too can prove that, just like the NAACP, you have nothing better to do (via IgnorantMe! and reader Nathan):

Question: Would it have made a difference if "black hole" were pronounced more clearly? I doubt it:

A special meeting about Dallas County traffic tickets turned tense and bizarre this afternoon.

County commissioners were discussing problems with the central collections office that is used to process traffic ticket payments and handle other paperwork normally done by the JP Courts.

Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections “has become a black hole” because paperwork reportedly has become lost in the office.

Commissioner John Wiley Price, who is black, interrupted him with a loud “Excuse me!” He then corrected his colleague, saying the office has become a “white hole.”

Perhaps I'm being too harsh on the NAACP. After all, I distinctly remember, growing up, the clearly racist "Secret Asian Man" theme song. Because of the controversy the title was changed to "Secret Agent Man," but Johnny Rivers always seemed to sing "Asian" and no one noticed:

And of course, who is more paranoid than my People, who long ago convinced ourselves that your People speak in code:

In finding material for the Saturday Night Card Game series, I sometimes feel like Woody Allen in this clip:

Jew know what I mean, don't Jew?

Related Posts:
Saturday Night Card Game

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  1. The NAACP is *really* reaching these days. I guess they have to keep themselves relevant.

  2. John Wiley Price complained? Big surprise. when I lived down that way, he was busy holding up traffic over perceived injustice.

  3. Hallmark was founded by the Hall family in Kansas City. I grew up nearby and returned here a couple of years ago.

    The Hall family members have been icons of Kansas City society, patrons of the arts, and good old fashioned altruistic philanthropists for the past 100 years. Cultivating an image as a good corporate citizen through their extensive charity and community work has worked well for them considering they are in the business of selling cards that help us express, positive, touchy-feely, warm sentiments with each other.

    But, with the feel good, touchy-feely sentiment card market saturated, why not take the corporate goodwill they've built the past 100 years and extend the Hallmark brand into the racist Hate Card market? Just think of the economies of scale that can be realized by combining the feel good market with the racist Hate Card?

    Seems like another brilliant business move by the Hall's.

  4. I know what you mean about wanting to head back to Planet Earth. I'd just like to know where I can buy a ticket; I hear the NAACP is going after wormholes next.

  5. LOL! I always wondered if I was the only one, growing up, thinking he said "Secret Asian Man." My parents must have been listening to the oldies a lot, seeing as I grew up in the 80's and 90's. Still, glad to know I wasn't the only one. :-)

  6. It is sad and also an outrage! The NAACP is the organization of hate! Or perhaps they have become agents for Obamas destroy America movement!

  7. Buddy Hackett did one of the funniest routines using Jew for you. Google made it easy to find someone else who loved it too:

    'When guys start talking about the funniest tv show or comedian they've ever seen, they usually mention Eddie Murphy's "Delirious", or a Monty Python movie.

    But my vote always goes to Buddy Hackett's first HBO special. It was one of those things where after a half an hour, your SIDES hurt from laughing, your FACE hurt from smiling, you simply couldn't breath. It was THAT funny.

    That was, what, early 80's? Late 70's? It still tops my list.

    Highlight: Story where his wife drags him on a ski trip, but doesn't want to go.

    I told her, 'Jews don't ski. Jews play pinochle and say, 'Helen, bring fruit.' You see, there's this little bone in the knee called "the Jew Bone", and all you have to do is say, "How much are the skis?", and the bone breaks.

    (imitating wife) You went skiing at the Concorde!

    (Normal voice) That was the Catskills! Little Jewish hills! You're talking Mt. Snow, Vermont. Big Christian mountains!

    (imitating mountain) "COME ON JEW, I'M WAITING FOR YA!"


    (imitating wife) You never take me anywhere!

    (normal voice) So we go. We get there, and the first thing I notice is, there's no air up there! It's skinny air. You've got to suck in three puffs just to fill up one side of a nose. And all the men up there look the same: Long legs. Thin waists, which go up like a "V" to their broad shoulders. Necks, they all have necks, and large protruding Adam's Apples. High cheek bones, blonde hair, blue eyes...

    FREAKS! You want to vomit, you can't look at shit like this for too long! And my wife introduces me to this instructor, "And this is my husband."

    And the guy says, (thick German accent) "Ah, how do you do, sir. JEWISH to ski? JEW vill ski? Jew vill NOT ski! JEWWW vill vatch."

    Then they give me my ski clothes. Everything has to be super-tight, for some reason. They give me a sweater with a picture of two deer screwing on it, when I put it on, the deer are this far apart! I put on the ski pants, and the fly is open like this. I said, "Honey, there's no way." She says, "Look, you gotta PUSH and PULL." (he crouches, like someone trying to close the zipper on hopelessly tight pants) So she's pushin' in my stomach, the kids are pullin' in my ass, we get the thing closed....all of a sudden, I notice, (starts to rise up out of his crouch) I'm getting taller....and my hair's turning blond and my eyes are turning blue because they're getting no air...(super deep voice) AND I GOT A LUMP IN MY THROAT I THINK I USED TO PISS WITH!

    Then they give the ski boots (walks like Frankenstein), the Frankenstien boots, and ski poles, and the lift tickets, and we go outside, and this tall blonde man says to me, (German accent) "How do you do, sir? My name is Klaus, I am zee Commandant of zee Ski School. And this is Hans, and Fritz, and Wilhelm, and Sandor. With whom Jewish to ski?"'


  8. Don't forget the NJ 'alleged' terrorist who was just arrested, Almonte, I believe, held a sign in 2008, 'Death to all Juice'! Wonder when PETA is going to come out against him?

  9. I heard that, recently, the African American population has been finding ANY term that has the word "black" in it = racism. "Black hole" was one of the terms, in particular, that was mentioned as "racist and offensive."

    How did our nation go from the most truly welcoming, inviting, and tolerant (the REAL meaning of the word) to a nation that is afraid to say anything, to use a color in a term (think "yellow line" on the Metro/subway) etc.?!?

    The card clearly says "black hole" and is all about the solar system, both in the oral message and written one.

    Great call on your Saturday Night Card Game, Professor! This has to beat them all (although it's tough to judge, you have a LOT of "good" ones).

  10. Remember, a certain demographic group's exquisite sensibilities are also responsible for moving the perfectly good word "niggardly" out of the realm of respectable public discourse.

    There are apparently uncountable numbers of words that can --with only a little effort-- be heard by ultra-sensitive ears as racist affronts to propriety. (Sigh. I really, really LIKE words, especially interesting and unusual ones; and I just HATE to witness them being abused this way...)

  11. The NAACP certainly has become niggardly with its praise and understanding of common English words. It is definitely a black day for the English language when any self-appointed watchdog can harass perfectly reasonable speech by monkeying around with misunderstandings. Conduct in our nation has gone down a black hole, possibly never to return.

  12. I wonder if blacks understand that the average person does not think about them on a constanct basis? In other words, the term "black hole" has no relevance to the average person other than a reference to an astronomical phenomenon. People do not go around thinking about blacks much less dreaming up some phrase to debase them. Also, blacks do not own the word black, I thought they were African (unless things have changed again). Another thought, could it be that blacks don't know what a black hole is and why it is named as such?

  13. @david7134 - the "average person" includes blacks, the vast majority of whom I presume see nothing racial in the term "black hole." The point is that the self-appointed representatives are making something out of nothing for ulterior motives; it's not unique to the black community, and happens with many groups similar to the NAACP representing other groups.

  14. Here in Australia we have a brand of cheese called Coon. We had a series of ads where people were lined up for a photograph and when told to say "cheese" they all said "coon".

    On my first trip to the USA which was in 1984-85, I nearly made the mistake of imitating the ad... it seems that would have been a very bad thing if overheard by members of a certain community....

    This is an experience of language differences and nothing at all to do with any black community.....

  15. Clearly the NAACP has become irrelevant and so must create controversy where none exists to justify their continued existence. Do they not see the subliminal message being sent when they publicly make a stance against a card that references a black hole in context with the theme of the card which is space? The subliminal message is "We lack the intelligence to put the term black hole in context. We never took science courses and so do not understand that the term black hole is an accepted term for a phenomenon to be found in space. Therefor, we will rail against this term because it is racist."
    Further, I believe the term ho as a derogatory and demeaning term for a woman was coined by black people. It is kept alive as common verbage in part by black people. Perhaps, the NAACP should focus their efforts on educating black people not to use these terms and ask rap groups not to use such terms because it demeans women and specifically black women.

  16. Mr. Jacobson,
    I live in the South. Here, the NAACP speeks for the black man. Anything they say, the black population believes with vigor. I don't mean to seem racist, but the fact is that in our community, blacks take their direction from only a handfull of source. First is their preacher, then the NAACP, and finally a select group of national personalities (Jesse Jackson). I have had friendships with several blacks who have varied in education level from high school to professional degree. It is suprising that almost all fit into the steriotype I have described. Few other groups are influenced by such an organization. It is strange that many of the individuals I knew clearly know the NAACP is irrelevant and that their claims are preposterous, yet they still support the claimed issue and interpretation. When I ask them about this and point out the logic of a different view, they still stand by the NAACP and will justify the stance as "a black thing". In many ways they thus have a dual personality. Both my wife and I have seen blacks carrying on a conversation in getto language, when they approach a group of whites, they completely chang language to very proper English and their whole manner changes. This makes for a very confusing set of circumstances for whites. Most foreigner (Indians) are completely mistified by the process and the dual communities (the division is not white induced). Thus when I make a statement as I did, it is from a perspective that I don't think you can understand.

  17. What's next? Banning the Beverly Hillbillies because their theme song mentions "black gold"? That's racist!

  18. Who knew about your hidden identity as a Secret Agent, Prof?

    Number 6

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