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Friday, December 3, 2010

Gender-neutral Bombers

When I first came to Ithaca, I knew I'd be in a liberal college town. I was fine with that, after all, I was coming from the most liberal college city (New York, NY). Amidst all the "fair trade" (what was unfair about trade in the first place?), tie-dye, and an overrepresentation of Toyota Prius cars (watch out for those in a parking lot!), I have found a gem of typical college liberalness:

"World War I fighter pilots were known as "bombers." But the new Ithaca College mascot, which will be named Bomber, will not have anything to do with war.

Ithaca College is soliciting suggestions for a new mascot. The longtime nickname, Bombers, will remain, but the college is looking for a physical representation -- just not an actual bomber, or anything else war-related.

In fact, the mascot can take the form of a vegetable, animal, mineral, human or mythical creature. As long as it can be translated into a costume, is gender-neutral and is not a literal interpretation of "bombers," it will be considered."

I actually laughed out loud when I read this. Thankfully, nobody at Cornell has motioned to make a gender-neutral, vegetable-based bear mascot --- yet. We'll be shaking in our boots when we play that vegetable-based bomber, though!


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  1. How about a pigeon over a statue of Ithaca College's founder with droppings covering the statue? That should be scary without representing war.

  2. Are marshmallows vegetable based?

  3. in the game madden nfl, you can create your own team, using their premade logo. i think i came up with a good one.

    I picked the image of a WWII era fighter plane, called the team the Airmen, and made their official hometown, Tuskegee, Alabama. Thus my team would be known as the Tuskegee Airmen. :-)

  4. Why not just use a guy dressed up as a funeral director as the mascot. The embalmer!

  5. How about a worm? They're hermaphroditic, so that covers the deviants at the college and their supporters. Or you could have a snake? They're spineless like these libtards who are destroying standards everywhere with their pc nonsense. The marshmallow comment was good too, but they're white so they'd probably get voted down as symbols of white supremacy. You could have a limp noodle, same idea without the racist baggage of a marshmallow. You could have Bill Ayers as the mascot, cause they're leftwing academics and admitted antiamerican bombers. So what's not to love?

  6. Could be worse. I went to the University of Southern California. If they ever decided that the current Trojan mascot was too warlike, they'd probably have someone wandering around the sidelines dressed as a giant condom.

    For Ithaca's problem, though, the solution is even more simple. "Getting bombed" can mean getting drunk, so obviously Ithaca's mascot should be a college kid getting drunk. Best part is, they can probably find at least one or two students already on campus who can serve as mascot without any preparation.

    Not to mention, alcohol is often vegetable-based.

  7. Mockingbirds like to swoop down on my cats and harass. Y'all could be the Dive Bombers and have a funny rubber raptor mascot with big eyes, non-threatening glittered polished talons and a feather boa. To be sure it's gender-neutral, just call it Pat.

    Or Elton. (Just kidding, I like his music from back in the day.)

  8. How about an androgynous person sitting on a toilet?

    A prune sitting on a toilet?

  9. Why not a cartoonish caricature of Obama? He sure seems like he is "Bombing" each and every day!