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Friday, March 13, 2009

Next Time Call The Blogospheric Neologian, Not Wikipedia

There has been a little on-line spat brewing between Robert Stacy (the other) McCain, and one James B. Webb, which resulted in my memorable post Sitemeterenfreude ("deriving pleasure from the failure of other bloggers to generate traffic") based on this McCain post mocking Webb's failure to produce:

When you're through doing that, go to a Castro Street glory hole, offering up your rump to complete strangers, while bragging that you've got more than 25,000 hits on your blog in the past 13 months.

Losers. They're born that way.

I don't know how this dispute started (I think it was over a woman), but it doesn't really matter at this point.

In the latest spit-spat, Webb takes aim at this McCain comment (stay with me on this, there is a point here eventually):

A Jedi must study the Force to grow strong, my young Padwan. I am your father, Luke.
To which Webb responded (this is the key, stay awake):

By misspelling "Padawan" you relinquish whatever little geek cred you may have once possessed....
OK, fight on. Webb has accused the Other of not knowing how to spell a Star Wars term for a Jedi in training (which apparently is the measure of geek cred). But Webb used the Wikipedia spelling "Padawan":

Jedi Padawan: A Youngling that successfully completes their respective level of training undergoes Padawan apprectice [sic] training under the tutelage of a Jedi Knight or Jedi Master. In a rite of passage, Padawans must build their own lightsabers as a final test. Darth Vader told Luke Skywalker that his skills were complete upon building a new lightsaber, which is the final test before the trials to Knighthood.
But there is no single spelling of "padawan" in relation to Star Wars (see Anakin's Padwan episode as part of Star Wars: The Clone Wars). Regardless, "padawan" is not just a Star Wars term. The term "young padwan" is part of urban phraseology and means:

a newbie; rookie {derived from the hit film Star Wars, but losing one syllable}

"Patience, young padwan. You aren't as good as a pro like me yet."

So, young padwan Webb, you erred by taking a shot at the Other based on the definition of a word ("padwan") rather than the actual phrase the Other used ("young padwan").

Next time, do yourself a favor before you embarrass yourself again. Call the Blogospheric Neologian. Or better yet, don't.
UPDATE: He needs to study his film history better:

In what purports to be a retort to the above post, he asserts that I should focus on American Graffiti (my generation) not Star Wars (his generation):

Pop culture is a challenging subject to master and it only becomes more so the closer you are to your inevitable death. Stick to the law Jacobson, and leave matters of hipness and geek cred to the people who actually grew up watching this stuff. I'll call you and McCain when I have a question about American Graffiti.
Here's some history. Both American Graffiti (1973) and Star Wars (1977) were my generation. It's all in Wikipedia. If you are not going to consult with me before your posts, at least read Wikipedia (like you did to get the spelling of Padawan).

And you didn't grow up watching Star Wars. You grew up reading about people like me and the Other who actually watched Star Wars when we were growing up. You watched re-runs and marketing sequels, when you didn't have your head strapped to the television watching The Real World and Punked.

And while the Other and I are not yet senior citizens, at least we have the satisfaction of knowing that you will be working your entire life to pay for our social security and medicare benefits, particularly once The One gets done with you. Repeat after me, "yes you will."

UPDATE No. 2: Someone Get Him A Life

Did you ever meet one of those people who have to have the last word? The people you just can't hang up on, because as you are putting the phone down you hear they still are talking? (Only people of my generation or older would know about that, because the Real World generation never used a real phone.)

So what's his name, you know, the one McCain doused with a Rule 4 shower, has posted something in response to my Update:

Here's some history: according to his Wikipedia page, McCain was born in 1959. I can't find a definite birth date for Jacobson but according to his Cornell bio page he completed his undergraduate degree in 1981. If we assume a standard matriculation period of four years that would also put his date of birth in 1959 as well. I was born in 1974. That means that when Star Wars came out in 1977 McCain and Jacobson were both legally classified as adults, and I was three years old.
Before I digress, please note that proper grammar requires an initial capitalization after a colon. Didn't they teach that to you in your Stanley Kaplan SAT review course?

And you were 3 when Star Wars came out. Did you watch it then, or only when you got Star Wars toys forced upon you? Perhaps you should have played with Legos and learned to build things and use your imagination.
There are boxes full of action figures, an AT-AT imperial walker, several TIE fighters and many other toys I haven't seen for years in a storage facility back in Texas with my name all over them. I had Star Wars curtains in my room as a kid, for Christ's sake.
Someone please get him a childhood.

And talk about being "Pwned" (yes, I had to look it up on Wikipedia, at least I admit to it). I don't stay up late on a Saturday night drafting posts about you, but you posted your latest screed at 11:34 p.m. on Saturday, March 14, 2009, and posted a comment on my blog at 1:47 a.m. the next morning. What's the matter, can't sleep without thinking about me? Nothing better to do on a Saturday night than worry about me? And thanks for linking to my Cornell Law School bio page; are you having it framed and putting it over your computer for inspiration? Someone please get him a life.

And I don't keep checking your SiteMeter like you do mine (don't even think of denying it). But I thought you didn't judge your worth as a blogger based on hits. Hmm, having second thoughts? Call McCain when you get 30,000 visits, if you can remember next year. Someone please get him the conscience of a liberal.

And someone tell him I'm hanging up the phone.

UPDATE No. 3: He realized his 15 minutes of fame are over.

This is what happens when someone realizes that his 15 minutes of fame are over:
And the best part is that everyone reading this on my site and coming here from yours will now know that the dickless lawyer (see how I squeezed two unnecessary insults in there?) just took his little ball and went home.
And he posts a silly photo-shop of my head on a chicken in front of Cornell Law School -- must have stayed up all night working on that one.

Wow, some people don't even know when they have been played. My post that I was "hanging up the phone" brought out the best in you, as I knew it would. Apparently it always was there, just needed a little prodding to shake loose. Too bad, I was hoping you had a sense of humor. But then again, you do brag that you "supported Barack Obama before it was cool to support Barack Obama" so there is a sense of humor in there somewhere.


  1. Uh oh...James B. might be invoking Rule 4 on you as well! Duck!

  2. You guys are cute with your little blogging rules. Ball's in your court, Jacobson. Bring the old. Bring it.

  3. I'm a little creeped out by the fact that this child spends his time on the Star Wars blog and even spent time searching the disputed term.

    If he thinks pop culture is a difficult subject to master, I wonder how he did in his physics classes? Maybe he can get a job in the Obama administration.

  4. Thanks, Jacobson. I'm seriously. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! You are the wrinkled gift that just keeps on giving. Have one of your students explain to you why this has all been so funny, especially the last part. Batter hurry up now and catch the Early Bird at Country Kitchen...

  5. No problem. I'll catch the early bird, if you take off your bib. And next time, speak a little louder, my hearing aid isn't working that great.

  6. Don't worry, guy. I'm sure you'll have your own bib in a few short decades. Go with a matching diaper set, it'll impress the old biddies at the home. Anyone explain to you why this is so funny yet?