Le·gal In·sur·rec·tion

"You've always spoken frankly with me, General, and I respect that."

"Check out the rock-hard a$$ on the Pelosi chick"

"Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?"

(This is too easy)

....

"Well at least this f@@king Byrd isn't covered in oil!"

"Well, to tell an old family secret, my grandmother was dutch."

"I was at this 'custard' place the other day (WTF is 'custard' anyway) and some Jackass had the gall to ask me about lowering taxes. That's some gall there, son. Hey...this is a big f---in' deal, huh?"

Captain Piett, you're in charge now. Don't fail me, Admiral Piett.

That's Vice President Bite Me, General!

"This is a BIG F-ing deal... don't be a smarta$$"

I think it's a mashup of Stuart Smalley and "On the Waterfront":

"You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am. But Big Guy tells me every day that I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog gonnit, people like me!!"

Bags are in the trunk, boy. Make sure you handle them with respect. After all, we are a big f***in' deal.

If it walks like a duck...

Biden: You know I served in Vietnam with the Conn. Attorney General?

Officer: Yeah and I got four purple hearts like John Kerry!

Biden: Can You Validate My Parking?

Officer: I couldn't validate your life.

"Hey, Top . . . did you know the Constitution technically makes me the boss of the Senate?

I'm the presider!

Now, Harry here doesn't agree with me. He says I'm not really in charge, but I tell him he's wrong. And then he gets this funny look on his face.

Plus, the fact is that if anything comes down to an even-steven vote, then I'M also the decider . . . in addition to being the presider!

Yep, ME . . . Joe Biden from Scranton, PA. Take it to the bank, Top!"

Outstanding General......uh you did request she be a redhead, right?

"Great job, bud! Thanks for the flight - keep the engines running! We won't be long in this hillbilly haven! Hahahaha!" (walks away chuckling)

OT - did they all travel together on Air Force One? Would't that be a breach of security - the President, VP, and Speaker of the House all on 1 flight, allowing for #1, 2, and 3 in line to the presidency to be hit with one fell swoop......if someone wanted to do it? HUGE breach of security, IMHO.

"Okay, son, now this nation's first black president is going to Senator Byrd's funeral. So get the word out, 'ix-nay on the an-klay efrences-ray, got it?"

"General, I forget, who's number four in the line of succession?"

Despite my personal feelings about this group, having the pres, vp and speaker that close together gives me the chills.

Hi, I'm Joe Biden, Gore lied I invented the Internet! And the radio, and cars, and planes, and I grew up on Mars. Oh, and the stimulus is working and jobs are everywhere!

Oohoo, ahha, yeah, I'm going back to Oz where my slippers are red and the little people love me!

(Quick someone throw of couple of Chlorpromazine or Thioridazine pills down his throat!)

Hey Colonel, can ya hook me up with Nancy?
I would fear to hazard a guess as with Idiot Joe, anything is possible.
I would be very interested in what was on the mind of the Chief Master Sergeant standing to the Colonel's right! Chief would have some seriously funny and biting commentary. Enlisted men tend to be less pretentious. We learned it from experience.

"Hey, you in the cap, could you carry my bag? Oh, God love ya, I thought you were a chauffeur...."

"Would't that be a breach of security - the President, VP, and Speaker of the House all on 1 flight, allowing for #1, 2, and 3 in line to the presidency to be hit with one fell swoop..."

Byrd was #4... has a new President pro tem of the Senate been elected yet? Or would Hillary Clinton have succeeded to the Oval Office?

"He always gets to show off his new 'funny walk' first cuz he's the President."

"bite me"

These spring to mind:

"If you rub my corn, I'll give you a whole quarter"...

"Say, is there a frozen custard stand at this airport son?"...

"I left a full barf bag in the plane, can you get that for me, thanks"...

"Have you heard the one about the jew, the pope and the mexican?"...

"This can't be your worst nightmare! Pelosi isn't naked!"

"Oh yeah. She's well aware of those nick names...Popessa Pelosi, Parrafin Princessa, Queen Nancy, Botox Biddy [That one gets under her skin. Yuk, yuk, yuk,]. There's even Empress of the House. She just luuuuuuuvz her that one."