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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Exclusive - First Draft of Obama's SOTU Speech

First draft of Obama's upcoming State of the Union Address, as edited by the White House communications team:
My Fellow Americans,

I have a plan, but I can't tell you about it because you are worried about jobs.  If I really cared what you thought about jobs, I would have focused on jobs from day one instead of Obamacare.  But one of my jobs was to transform the nation regardless of what you thought, so your jobs really didn't matter to me.

Talking about jobs, the Stimulus Plan saved or created millions of jobs, but the jobs now are gone because the federal funding of the jobs is gone.  And now that the Republicans control the House, the loss of those jobs will be blamed by my campaign team on Republicans, who not only want you to die quickly, they want you to lose your jobs quickly.

You see, I'm smarter than you; the whole saved or created jobs thing really was just a distraction to make you think I cared about jobs when all I really cared about was social change and restructuring society into my vision of America.  And if puffing up some jobs numbers was the cover I needed to transform society, those phony jobs numbers were worth the effort.

I have several jobs remaining in the next six years.  Among the jobs I have assigned to myself is to finish off the private health insurance industry, which may result in the loss of jobs but those sort of jobs are evil. 

As to cap-and-trade, I know that opposition based on the loss of jobs has sunk the legislation, but one of the jobs of the EPA is to destroy jobs through regulations.  And let me give a shout-out to the Mountaineer State.  How's that Manchin vote working out for your coal mining jobs?.

One of the jobs of the Interior and Energy Departments is to pass jobs destroying domestic energy production regulations similar to the EPA's jobs destroying energy consumption regulations.  Their jobs work together in brutal harmony to destroy non-green jobs so that we can build an economy based on the economic fiction of green jobs.  And you will buy right into it, because you are stupid.

As to the deficit, who cares, since it will not affect jobs in Washington, D.C.  In fact, the more we spend the more jobs I can give out to law professors whose jobs it will be to create more federal government jobs  for people whose jobs will be to destroy private sector jobs.
And the national debt, forgettaboutit.  The people in this administration whose jobs are to destroy private sector jobs will be long gone from their jobs before we reach the national debt tipping point. And when that day comes, you will be sneaking across the border into Mexico seeking jobs because there will not be any here, so adios amigos.

In conclusion, from this day forward I will be known as the jobs President, regardless of the jobs which never were created because of my policies.  You see, we can count jobs created or saved, but counting jobs never created is impossible, so the jobs numbers emanating from my administration are only one side of the jobs coin.  But you'll never know it.

How do I know that I will be regarded as the jobs President?  Because my supporters have the jobs which write the newspaper articles and history books, so it will be their jobs to fool you into thinking I'm a centrist who really cares about jobs.

Thank you, and God Bless America.
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  1. Do you really think he'll utter the words "God bless America"?

  2. That speech without the red-lining would lift his "approval rating."

  3. From here until November 2012, his rhetoric will sound far more like that of a Republican than a Democrat. That's what happens when your agenda causes a historic electoral defeat of about 65 seats in the House and you want to be re-elected for a second term.

    He'll be sounding so much like a Republican over the next 18 months that you may find yourself wondering if he's about to switch parties and run for re-election by repealing Obamacare.

    We've already seen it with the tax issue. He co-opted the Republicans in spite of the fact he's been droning on about how evil the "Bush tax cuts for the rich" have been for 6 long years. Then after the November shellacking, he sells his far left base down the river for the sake of political expediency and he takes the Republican side of the tax issue. I thought he was an ideologue in his first two years, but now I see he's an unprincipled opportunist.

    Make sure you're wearing boots over the next several months, cause the b.s. is gonna be knee deep.

  4. Tonight is a particular honor for me because, let’s face it, my presence on this stage is pretty unlikely.

    My father was a foreign student, born and raised in a small village in Kenya.

    He grew up herding goats, went to school in a tin-roof shack.

    His father — my grandfather — was a cook, a domestic servant to the British.

    But my grandfather had larger dreams for his son. Through hard work and perseverance my father got a scholarship to study in a magical place, America, that shone as a beacon of freedom and opportunity to so many who had come before.”

    - "Barack Obama, 2004 Democratic National Convention Keynote Address"

    So Obama or Barry Says his Father was a Native of Kenya ....Barack Hussein Obama Jr. was born to Barack Hussein Obama Sr.,Hawaii law allowed someone who was born outside the Hawaiian Islands to be registered as though he or she were born in Hawaii.

    a citizen of Kenya and Stanley Ann Dunham, a citizen of the U.S.

    Natural Born means a Child Born on US Soil to 2 US Citizens.

    Blood and Dirt. *In a Nut Shell*

    It doesn’t matter if Obama was born in Hawaii,Canada,Kenya or Mars.
    He was still a UK and Colonies citizen at the time of his birth
    because of his father’s citizenship.

    If he was born in Hawaii, then he is also a US citizen but not a

    “natural born citizen"

    Barack Obama is NOT a natural born citizen, as required by our Constitution, and therefore,MUST BE REMOVED BY FORCE,if neccssary!! Taged,Baged,AND THROWN IN GITMO AS AN ENEMY OF THE UNITED STATES!.

    Natural Born means a Child Born on US Soil to 2 US Citizens.


  5. Professor, there was one problem with the the SOTU address you presented.

    The last line read:

    "Thank you, and God Bless America."

    There should have also been a strike line through "God" in the above line. We need to make sure we have consistency with his recent recitation of the Declaration of Independence where he leaves out “by their Creator.” He recited “endowed with certain unalienable rights….”

  6. God Bless America is not in his vocabulary or his very make up as a man.

  7. He will say "God bless America because he is an opportunist and says whatever to suck up to the electorate. Look at the Tucson memorial--the jumbotron read"applause" indicating the audience to applaud and apparently he and Michelle traded high fives back stage after the event.This proves that he used the memorial speech as a political tool to improve his approval ratings. Sick sick sick.The man has no conscience. How could anyone not see through this? Apparently someone took a photo of the high fiving. Would love it to be published.

  8. Obama: He talks a lot, but he doesn't say much.

    And he does even less.